Which Celebrity?!

Slightly off topic, but found this cool site while working very hard at work......upload your photo and will tell you which celeb you look like the most....who's Jose Carrera??!!

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

Not satisfied I tried another photo, I wish I hadn't..........

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Family tree software - Geneology

Dostana

In honour of the new release of Mard: Dostana ka Zindagi, here are my top five Dosti songs from Bollywood. The following tracks in my opinion are timeless, heartfelt and surmise what being a dost really means - enjoy.

5 - Dostana - Salamat Rahe Dostana Humara (Part I) (1980)

Sung by Mohd Rafi and Kishore Kumar, picturised by Amitabh and Shotgun. Two of the greatest singers on the earth singing a song like this was and still heavenly to listen to. Ironically at the time Amitabh and Shotguns real life friendship was on its last legs, even though they were great together on screen. The recent Dostana film is a pure and utter mockery of this classic so please watch this film over the gay one....please!

4 - Dharam Veer - Saat Ajoobe Is Duniya Mein (1977)

"There are seven wonders in the world, our friendship is the eighth, how hard one might try, they can never break this bond - the bond between Dharam Veer....ohhooo ohhhhohhooo"

WOW - what friendship! Now these are real men riding on their horses, grabbing some poor kid in the first 20 seconds, and each of our dosts (Dharmendra and Jeetendra) holding him by his hands over the river...nearly making him at least a foot taller! You know seeing guys like this nowadays, hugging, and desperately reaching out to hold each others hands, would make you scream out...ewww...PUFF...but no, when you see these guys, you feel like doing the same with your mates and that includes making a fried egg in the middle of the woods (1.30) and then after beating some croonies up, start holding each others hands and jumping in sequence (2.05). However dostana aside....im sure the ladies absolutely loved Dharmendra's leather gladiator outfit....next fancy dress party i'm off too...i've decided - Dharm Veer it is!

3 - Suhaag - Ay Yaar Sun (1979)

Right.....I think i'm going to get me a friend, a bike and funky scarf, then i'll be able to push a car away single handedly (1.57), and then i'm going to pull of some serious dance moves (3.58) in between beating up some goons! Old certainly is gold yaar! Suhaag like Dharm Veer was also directed by Manmohan Desai, easily one of the most entertaining directors of that era and really the guy who invented family masala films - Amar Akbar Anthony, Naseeb etc. He was also known always to have the Ma as the central foundation to his stories and even though this and the previous song were about dosti, the Ma is always present, and along with Mohd Rafi's voice, it never fails to make this mard's eyes water when referenced to.

2 - Khudgarz - Zindagi Ka Naam Dosti (1987)

Fast forward to 1987 to Rakesh Roshan's directorial debut film Khudgarz. Man this film was brilliant, and yet so sad in places, had me in tears. Loving the dancing at 1.47, I wonder what will happen if I duplicate that at the christmas do......

1 - Sholay - Yeh Dosti (1975)

No dostana song list can be without this track. Known by everyone, sung by everyone, loved by everyone.

This friendship....nothing can break it.....not even flipping a coin to choose who gets the girl!!!! Dostana...im afraid its here to stay!!!

Eid Mubarak

Eid Mubarak everyone! A fitting song is it not.......

I am Falling In Love With A Stranger - RD Burman (Deewaar)

A change of pace to this weeks tune - This song was played in the background during the shot taken in the bar starring Amitabh Bachchan and Parveen Babi in the movie Deewaar 1975. This is an extremely rare and unreleased gem of the composer R D Burman which was sung by Ursula Vaz. I've included it in my album Bombay Bliss 6. Very difficult to get more info on this track, but who cares when its so lovely....enjoy....

Tokyo Gore Police

Great title isn't it? The last time I saw a real gore fest of a movie was probably Saw. Haven't really been into gorey movies, so I didn't really have really to compare this flick to. On its own merit though....bloody good fun - pun intended. When it starts off with the below image, you can pretty much guage how the rest of the movie is going to play out!!

Set in the near future in...well...Tokyo...a battle is taking place between Tokyo Police Force and mutants known as Engineers. A scientist known as "Key Man" devises a way for when a human is wounded they mutate into this monstrous creature developing a weapon like body part to attack their prey.

The sheer variety of body weapons presented to you for the next two hours is like a visual assault on your eyes. Someone's imagination here went into overdrive! But more on that later.....

The main protagonist of the story is a female cop called Ruka (played by the beautiful Eihi Shiina from Audition fame). Ruka isn't exactly the happiest girl around, shes a pretty miserable, anti social, self harming kind of girl, and to be fair you can see her point after watching her dad's head explode (above) in front of her eyes.

We get this grim insight within the opening five minutes and shortky Ruka is called to deal with an Engineer who has a chainsaw as his an extension for his arm, bit like Ash in Evil Dead, but this time played by Tak Sakaguchi of Versus fame in a special appearance. Ruka, although impersonating a sad goth teenager is actually very good at dealing with Engineers, and she deals with Chainsaw man pretty swiftly in a cool chainsaw fight.

Yo...

VICTORIOUS!!

After being called to investigate a pretty gruesome murder (body parts in a box), Ruka starts to investigate and search for the guy responsible, who we learn to be the Key Man. With a twist of irony which I thought only existed in Bollywood, this investigation of Key Man is also linked to her fathers murder! As the story progresses we find out how Key Man came to be who he is and we come to know how he inserts a key into a human which turns them into Engineers - visually. The story does flow pretty well and does eventually conclude quite nicely, but at the end of the day this is all about the gore, and the imaginative mutations and killings are hilarious! There are some great set pieces showcasing some horrific engineers designs....I can't show some of them as this is a family site.....but if you recall back to From Dusk Till Dawn, remember a guy in the bar had a gun in his crotch....yeah well think about that but multiply by like a hundred!!

Key Man

What I loved about the style of TGP is the satirical edge it had. Director Yoshihiro Nishimura gives Robocop's Paul Verhoeven a run for his money in some great in film commercials in the same vain as, Nukem, 6000SUX, The Heart Centre et al. Be it from the Anti Harikari advert to commercials on the privatisation of the police force - morbid humour at its best and very relevant to current Japanese culture and satire. The latter coincidentally has some relevance to the greater plot, but great commercials none the less.

Speaking of Japanese culture, there was a great scene in response to one of Japan's public transport problems - Chikan or Train Groping. There are around 4000 men arrested each year for groping in public transport. A campaign was introduced to help reduce the fetish by promoting women to grab the man's hand and shove it in the air and shout Chikan to embarass and shame the groper, but most women did not do this as to not create a scene. Well they are Asian! Gropers know this and subsequently exploit it. However our beloved Ruka isn't going to take any of this bullshit, are you Ruka?!

Yeah I think I'll keep my hands to myself!

Eihi Shiina performs well in the role of Ruka and does pull off the tough cop persona very well. I will always remember her though as the pycho wife from Audition even though, I mean that film puts the fear of marriage into any men! The supporting characters do their job well, I love the despatch girl with her inputs into the story to help the viewer along. Ultimately TGP doesn't take itself seriously and that's the main reason why it is so enjoyable. Yes there are some effects where you can blatantly tell its a rubber face or rubber arm, but that's lovable nature of gore fest movies. The amount of fake red blood used is nothing short of phenomenal, very reminiscent of the old Samurai and Baby Cart films, slow motion arms cut off and a elevating spraying of blood that lasts for a good ten minutes.  The climax was great if a little predictable and fight scene between an engineered Ruka (very cool) and her step dad's pet dog (!) was actually very exciting and impressive. The end scene does leave it open for a sequel and if there is one and Eihi is in it I am there! Right next stop Machine Girl and Vampire Girl vs Frakenstein Girl (yes I know!!!!).

Amar feat Rebel - Chup Chup Ke

Hey guys, thought i'd start a post every week sharing my tune of the week. Will be a mix of new and old tunes, western/eastern anything really. hope you like!

First heard Amar on Timbalands track Bombay, which was very good, even though Timbaland's lyric was hilarious - yes come ride the titanic - wtf?! Anyways here she teams up with Rebel, fantastic collabo me thinks. Check it out.... peace!

Do Aur Do Paanch Review

Do Aur Do Paanch...hmmm...2 + 2 = 5...this is probably the reason my maths is rubbish after growing up with film lines like this. Released in 1980, directed by Rakesh Kumar, the film was a nice little entertainer masala film, mostly playing for laughs and it succeeded.

The opening title sequence is amusing to say the least, with some rudimentary animation intertwined over the credits, while the music is like it is from old 1970's TV cop show. In cartoon world, Shashi Kapoor is apparently white with brown hair and Amitabh Bachchan has somehow obtained a black mans lips - I kid you not!

But its okay, as with the explosion ending the sequence we see our heroes of the film in jail wasting no time cursing each other - so it looks like they aren't exactly best buddies - "But why??" I hear you scream, well good old Om Prakash (in a guest appearance) tells the story.....

At night, Vijay (Amitabh) and Sunil (Shashi) are both burglars apparently, even though Sunil wears a bright red polo neck jumper! They're both after the same stash and meet at the safe. After some seriously evil daggers exchanged they both grab the bag and somehow amazingly enough end up on a roof where its clearly day time, while the guards are down below patrolling in errm night time. The have a very cool slow motion fight on the roof while both still holding onto the bag but eventually in their ruckus the bag rips open, the money flies away and they get caught. Rival robbers they are, each other despise they do, they will surely kill each other.

Bitoo....feel sorry for this kid...I really do....he has so many bodyguards, hot female nannies, massive house, a Dad who looks like he's working his socks off in order provide enough wealth for Bitoo to, as his Dad states..."play" with! Ungrateful little shit...at this juncture I would like to point out that I was actually unsure of Bitoo's gender...boy or girl...or maybe both..I don't know, isnt Bollywood great! Anyway, Bitoo however, all he wants is to spend time with his Dad, and to get rid of the bodyguards as they don't let him enjoy the spoils of his fathers hard work, however his Dad explains his body guards are necessary as they keep the rakshas far away.....and what demon is kept at bay....Kader Khan of course...or as he is known in this film....UNCLE!

After a cool intro, Uncle greets his "nephews" and makes plans to kidnap Bitoo. So whats his problem with Bitoo and his Dad, well apparently Bitoo's Dad ruined Uncle's dreams. Uncle wanted to start a gambling den, and to finance it he silently stole it from the workplace of his former Boss'...yes Bitoo's Dad...and would put it back within 3 months.....great dream Uncle....truly ambitious stuff. Obviously he got caught and thrown in jail.

Unfortunately Uncle's plan to kidnap fails, not because of Bitoo's uncanny ability to outrun four cars, but it is because Shalu (Hema Malini) manages to intervene by either laying down a bicycle in front of a car or by moving a melon cart in front of the car which manages to divert a car, yes a CAR, and manages to make the CAR turn on its side and spontaneously combust. Wow. Only in the 70's. Have to say though as totally unrealstic it was, enjoying and amusing it was. Shalu takes Bitoo into her school and convinces her Father to enrol him at the school where she works, after he's satisfied of the security.....I mean he should be, I mean what school has sharp shooters in place!! So it all seems okay for Bitoo, he's at a great school, has the chance to make friends and all is well. Kind of....you see both Vijay and Sunil get wind of how much Bitoo is worth and both infiltrate the school as teachers in an attempt to kidnap Bitoo and get some dosh.

Vijay enters the school as a PE Teacher taking the alias of a dead guy that nobody knows is dead who is the best friend of the head masters daughter (Parveen Babi - yum!) as Ram....and Sunil, well he is actually one of Uncles nephew's, so you can see why he's in there too. He comes in as a music teacher as Lakshman. Ram? Lakshman? Great thinking writers, I applaud you!!

What follows now as the basic premise is set up is the hilarous adventures of Vijay and Sunil in school both trying to kidnap Bitoo, try to be teachers, and usurp each other. The set pieces are very funny, and this is solely due to the sheer strength of performance by both Amitabh and Shashi. Their comic timing is perfect, and they play off each other very well. Whether its Shashi forcing the kids to feed Amitabh a puri each after hes just stuffed himself, or when Amitabh gets his own back by spreading dirty rumours of the music teacher to Shalu.

Deep down though they are good guys, and after a session they open up, and talk about their stupid way of life as theives, which is of course is heard by their respective love interests. They vow to fix them (as like most asian girls like to do with their beaus) and make them realise the Do aur Do Char hai not Do Aur Do Paanch (2 plus 2 = 4 not 5). They eventually become friends and realise Bitoo is just a kid, and both turn their back on Uncle. The best scene for me though was when Shashi had to make run for it through the gauntlet of sharp shooters to help save his mum and sister from Uncles grasp, with every chance of getting shot, but no, NO way was that going to happen, as his best buddy managed to steal the bullets. They both run down the hill in slow motion, look at each other, smile, then hold hands as they continue to run to save the day - vaaah...kya dosti! Ram Lakshan esa toh hi hai! After a cool show down with our heroes and Uncle in his hideout, the day is saved. Did get a bit melodramatic at the end, would have been nice to keep the comedy going, but hey, this is a bollywood film, and it wouldnt be a bollywood film without some kind of melodrama!

Not many songs in the film, the main one being the title track, sung by Kishore Kumar was brilliantly picturised by Amitabh at an bonfire night for the kids. He was so cool he even made flowers rise from a rock and walk in the air, while poor Shashi was getting shoved about all over the place. Easily the highlight of the song list. The others boring, not even worth mentioning.

Watching the film again after about 7 years, still funny, the chemistry between Amitabh and Shashi is an absoloute joy to watch. It has the usual quirks and crappy effects from films of that era, but that is what makes these films gems, and it sits proudly among my Amitabh DVD collection.